How To Not Have A Press Conference by Nintendo should be available on DVD later this week. In it will be detailed instructions on how to completely embarrass your company, tarnish your already shaky reputation and guarantee that your next foray into the videogame console business will fail before it even starts.

You Say You Want A Revolution? sang The Beatles. Yes we did, so where the %$#@ is it, Nintendo?

There wasn't a Revolution at the Nintendo Press Conference. There wasn't even Evolution. There was De-Evolution, which as far as I know, in a industry that has to keep moving forward like a shark, lest it die, is an extremely bad thing to showcase at the biggest North American show of the year. Since Space World is no longer (at least we don't think the Big N will resurrect it) than perhaps this was NIntendo's ONLY chance to get the word out to the public in 2005 in one fell swoop. Didn't happen.

Some industry pundits (ie: geeky, pimply faced game journalists that giggle at boobs and are shy around booth babes) are suggesting that Nintendo pulled all of their Revolution images and demos after spying what the PS3 had to offer. Going on record to say that the Revolution will only be "three times more powerful than the GameCube" isn't exactly inspiring confidence that the next N system will keep up. Sure it will have DVD capabilities, sure it will be online, sure it will be backwards compatibility - but these are all things the GameCube should have had 4 years ago if Nintendo had been paying attention. It's too little too late. We've all got DVD players now and we've seen how you little you care about online gaming.

What Nintendo managed to unveil about the Revolution is its ability to download 20 years of Nintendo games. That is a Revolution in the same way you can hook up a record player to a PC and make an MP3 out of an old 78 RPM, which is to say, it's not. I'm not saying that's cool or unwanted. I'm just saying it's not exactly going to set the gaming world on fire.

They revealed the Game Boy Micro. Another de-evolution. It will play GBA and SP games and it's smaller and has a better screen. I'll buy the hall a round of "Who cares?". Put it on my tab.

The majority of the show was dedicated to the DS and WiFi support for that system. They showed more footage of Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess but after the insane disappointment of the rest of the show, I have to say that I was even embittered towards Zelda, a title that I have been wating for since I heard about it.

Didn't hear a peep about Mario 128. Remember that? I'm sure that's all but forgotten, or if anything, it's being retooled for a Revolution launch release. That you can almost bet on.

After the fiasco it's clear that Nintendo is in the dark more than ever and I can't even believe that's possible. They are holding onto the notion that this industry can survive on casual gamers and I'm not so sure that's possible anymore. I don't even know if the casual gamer is in the majority anymore.

Gamers want the hottest graphics, coolest games and hippest systems these days and that's as fact as a factoid can get. And from what was on display at the Big N's press conference, that's as far as Nintendo can get from the reality of the PS3 and Xbox 360.

By StewXX