Successfully complete the indicated task to unlock the corresponding achievement. To view your achievements and stats in Steam, select "Community", "My profile", "View all my games", then the game and view stats.
- A Whole Benz Full: Reach the Strip Club.
- Black Helicopters: Find 5 Secret Areas.
- Bleedin' Thumbs: Beat Quest For The Laser-Nipples in one play session.
- Conspiracy Theory: Find a Secret Area.
- Fo' Shizzle My Nipples: Recover the Laser-Nipples.
- Missile Bait: Touch 100 Black Stars.
- Popetastic: Light the Pope-Signal.
- Starry-eyed: Score at least 5000 points, total, from the Quest for the Laser-Nipples levels.