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G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra Review for PlayStation Portable (PSP)

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra Review for PlayStation Portable (PSP)

Read on – Knowing is
Half the Battle

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is this summer’s latest foray into the all too often explored genre of “eighties-cartoon-revived-for-a-movie-adaptation-then-turned-into-a-videogame… then-ported-to-a-portable-console.” Beyond that exceedingly confusing lineage, gamers then have to figure out exactly which game they are buying. Because expecting to get the same game simply because all versions have the same name and box-art will get you burned. So let’s straighten this out right now: the 360 and PS3 versions are based on the same code, while the DS is an entirely different game unto itself, and the Wii, PS2, and PSP version are also based on relatively similar code.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra screenshot

Got that? Yeah I know; it’s very confusing. However, it’s about to get even more confusing, because even though the PSP version is ported (albeit a bit stripped down) from the Wii and PS2 version, it’s also a much better game. This isn’t because somehow the porting process fixed a bunch of the terrible bugs, but rather because this game is much more at home on the PSP, and it is much easier to enjoy in the bite-sized chunks that a portable gaming system provides.

This may seem like a bit of a backhanded compliment, and it is. The game it’s based on is not good at all, and we gave it some pretty poor scores when reviewed on Wii and PS2. Not to mention that anytime a reviewer says about a game, “it’s alright as long as you don’t play it too much,” then you should probably stay away in the first place, and in this case it’s the truth. If you’re planning to play this game in short bursts during a commute, or on the school bus, then it’s a decent title overall despite its contemptible flaws.

To start with, the difficulty in this game gets it completely wrong. The default difficulty (the lowest) is ridiculously easy. I make no exaggerations when I say, “forward+right trigger=win.” There’s almost no challenge whatsoever. And yet, just one difficulty level up, and the game becomes too tough. By the time the middle levels rolled around, I was dying three to four times before I could get past the first hallway. It takes a while to understand this type of punishment, but once you do, it gets a bit better.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra screenshot

Yeah, and that’s another thing. Everything in this game is a hallway. Even if you’re in a desert, or a lush jungle, you’re actually in a hallway. Only the wallpaper has been changed. That’s a problem that is replicated throughout other areas of the game too. There are only a few variations of enemies, and each one bears hundreds of perfect carbon-copies of itself. New enemies are introduced in each level, and you know right away that this is the black-suit soldier level, or the spider machine level. This is particularly a problem late in the level when things get hectic and there are nine soldiers in black suits that look exactly like you and your partner, making it very hard to distinguish who is who at times.

Despite the game’s heavy use of auto-targeting, these scenarios aren’t made any easier. The way it’s supposed to work is you start firing and it locks onto an enemy. It would be simple enough, but for the fact that it’s impossible to choose the first target. This alone isn’t a terrible flaw, but the grainy graphics of a portable system make the aforementioned hectic scenarios a huge mess. When everything is going off, you may find yourself firing straight at an explosive barrel right next to you and not even notice, or a useless bonus point target all the way across the level when five enemies are in point blank range. Or even worse, you may be fully aware of the bad target, and find yourself with nothing you can do about it since trying to retarget only supplies you with more useless targets.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra screenshot

The controls hamper this even further. On foot control isn’t entirely awful but could have used some tuning. However, getting to control a massive tank or a gun-strapped truck is a horrible chore. The control on these things is truly awful, and the game would have been better off having not included them. Piloting a vehicle of death-dealing destruction is supposed to be inherently fun. I’m honestly shocked that someone found a way to make it not fun. It’s astounding. These segments are laborious, and not just because of the controls.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra screenshot

The control issues could have been mitigated if the developers understood the problems and designed the levels to be more accessible given the issues. However, some of the levels seem designed specifically to bring those issues to light. They’ll make you pull complex maneuvers in order to aim at very specific targets. And sometimes they’ll be especially sadistic and make sure that the target is out of the camera’s reach so that you can’t possibly see it.

As mentioned before, when played in small doses, this isn’t something that’s too terrible and may go unnoticed for many hours. That said, it’s positively maddening when played in sizable chunks.

The audio on the other hand, is equally as horrible, but never affects the gameplay. All of the voice acting from the console versions has been stripped out, and now the actors move around the screen like sock puppets. It turns out to be a pretty critical breach of the fourth wall to see the characters mouthing the words on the bottom of the screen. Not that they really have all that much to say considering the story is pretty much throw away. It revolves around going to assorted enemy bases, killing everyone in sight, and rescuing whichever G.I. Joe that managed to get captured and taken there. It’s sub-standard to say the least.

It’s one of those things that bizarrely works in the PSP version’s favor. Whereas most gamers are looking for an engrossing story and a convincing reason to fight in the console version, on a portable gaming system most gamers are just looking for a fun way to kill half an hour. Reading scrolling text, and listening to back-story is not a good way to deliver fun to a player with limited time. It’s an odd compliment to be sure, but the fact that G.I. Joe’s story has no impact on gameplay ends up working in its favor. Since the gamer can just enjoy the fun rather than listen to a lame story, the focus stays on the action.

G.I. Joe PSP comes with a myriad of faults and only a small handful of redeeming qualities. Most of the faults are sidestepped and made less frustrating due to being on a portable system. But there’s one fault that just has no justification whatsoever: the price tag. Forty dollars is a ridiculous price to ask for this game. The game is over in about six hours, which wouldn’t be too bad too bad if this was a thirty dollar game, but a game of this length with zero multiplayer to speak of is far too much to ask. If you’re a commuter who is OK with the occasional bug, and isn’t bothered by the change in direction the G.I. Joe series took with the new movie, then there is some fun to be had here. Provided you can get it at a discounted price.

RATING OUT OF 5 RATING DESCRIPTION 2.2 Graphics
Just plain bad graphics that often negatively affect gameplay, because you’re often unable to distinguish enemies from each other and even allies from enemies. 1.9 Control
On foot controls are serviceable, but vehicle controls are genuinely a chore, putting a halt to any amount of fun you might have found previously. 2.3 Music / Sound FX / Voice Acting
Not entirely awful, but they did strip the game of all of its voice acting. What’s there is decent though, and the sound effects do their job. 2.3 Play Value
An awful value at $40, especially with no multiplayer or even cooperative gameplay. If you can find it at a discounted price, you might get your money’s worth. But at $40, you’ll have to be the very biggest fan of the movie to find a good value. 2.7 Overall Rating – Average
Not an average. See Rating legend above for a final score breakdown.

Game Features:

  • More than the movie: All-new storyline developed exclusively for the game.
  • Pick your G.I. JOE team: Choose from your favorite G.I. JOE characters, each with unique weapons and abilities.
  • Venomous COBRAS: Battle COBRA’s deadliest bosses as you snake your way through enemy territory.
  • Pedal to the metal: Jump into, steal, or hijack powerful G.I. JOE or COBRA vehicles!

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