Sexy Poker Review
Sexy Poker box art
System: Wii (WiiWare) Review Rating Legend
Dev: Gameloft 1.0 - 1.9 = Avoid 4.0 - 4.4 = Great
Pub: Gameloft 2.0 - 2.4 = Poor 4.5 - 4.9 = Must Buy
Release: Aug. 3, 2009 2.5 - 2.9 = Average 5.0 = The Best
Players: 1 3.0 - 3.4 = Fair
ESRB Rating: Mature 3.5 - 3.9 = Good

So, you like hot, anime girls and have a penchant for gambling? Well, Gameloft thinks they've got the game for you. Sexy Poker comes to WiiWare, ushering in M-rated games to the platform, but is the gameplay more than skin deep? We strip the title bare to show you its essentials.

Sexy Poker screenshot

What is the gist of Sexy Poker, you might ask? Well, the premise is simple, really. You play against a variety of sexy ladies in strip poker (or strip Blackjack). Each of you starts out with $300, but if you strip your opponent of her cash, she'll bet an article of clothing for another stack of money. You'll have to keep up a winning streak in order to relieve her of all her garments, and you win the event when she's down to a bikini bathing suit.

Sounds like great fun, doesn't it? Well, in reality the package includes but a mere two types of gameplay - Texas Hold'em poker and Blackjack - that's it. For those not up on their gambling, Texas Hold'em is a seven-card game in which you're given two cards and then share the remaining five with your opponent in order to each build up your own hands. Typical rules apply; a pair beats a high card, two pair beats a pair, three-of-kind beats two pair, and so on and so forth. Blackjack is also standard stuff - one card down, one card up, hit me 'til I make 21.

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There are six anime girls to choose from, each unlocked after beating the previous opponent. Gameloft may be an American developer, but the girls here each have a distinct otaku appeal. Even their names are Japanese, and the poses are straight to the point.

When it comes to the actual gamplay, your options are about as barebones as it gets. You can select the card pattern for the backside of cards and whether or not to add rumble, but that's about the extent of customization. It's just you and whichever girl you've chosen to take on - no multiplayer whatsoever - and hands can be played out pretty quickly. Blackjack plays fine, but if your main goal is to disrobe your challenger - and we know it is - then you won't be playing this game too often. The winnings are slim, which makes stripping your date down to her nitty-gritty incredibly tedious.

Sexy Poker screenshot

Poker is where the real money is at, though the girls you unlock later on are in no hurry to show you their skin. By the third or fourth girl, challenges become a long tug-of-war, and when you've only got one poker type to choose from, the experience grows stale quickly.

The card games are laid out in a fairly polished and straightforward way. Large buttons allow you to choose from various options, such as Call, Raise, Fold, etc., and you and your opponent's stash is displayed on the top of the screen, along with the bets each of you place. The girls constantly egg you on, as well, with explicit innuendo, but we have to wonder how much real poker the makers of this game have actually played. The girls will declare a raise when no bet has been made, or continue to pad the pot, only to reveal nothing in their hand at the end of a round.

Sexy Poker screenshot

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